Why Loneliness is so hard to handle?

A few days ago I discovered that my boyfriend is having an affair with another girl. After 2 days of crying and 1 day of thinking and imagining all possibilities I read The Freedom of Choice book again. What a different book it turned out to be !!

I decided to apply your advice 'not to blame anyone else for your own feelings' and become truly curious where my feelings come from and why are they SO overwhelmingly unpleasant. Sure that we cannot demand other people to love us, but WHY does it hurt ME when other people execute their OWN Freedom of Choice?

What I discovered TODAY by sincerely examining the Self was SO surprising for me, that I decided to share it with you and everyone else on your Forum.

Me and my boyfriend had a great time together for a number of years. Frequently we understood each other without words, both in the times of fun and in times of trouble, and I thought that I found the perfect partner. We made grandiose plans for our future together.

Today, I discovered that I have been always attached to the idea of having a wonderful, sensitive and reliable companion for the rest of my life. When a possibility of the lack of such a company arose, I found myself devastated. Going deeper, I discovered a true reason of this feeling Within - I simply do not want to be ALONE. I found that it is a subconscious fear of loneliness that hurts me most !!

My question is - why loneliness is so hard to handle? Any ideas what to do about it?

Maree

By becoming aware of our own loneliness, by experiencing, studying it and finding best ways to overcome it we have an opportunity to increase our understanding of the primary MOTIVE of The Great Intellect for designing the entire Universe.

It is not a coincidence that one of the greatest Individual Intellects who ever walked on Earth insisted that:

"Whoever doesn't know Self - doesn't know anything, but whoever knows Self - has already discovered the Knowledge about the entire Universe" [2].

You may say that true understanding of your own loneliness is equivalent to understanding the REASON for existence of the entire Universe, including YOURSELF.

Hence, your question "what to do about loneliness?" is practically equivalent to questions like "what is the meaning of existence?" or "what is the purpose of life?" or "how to live a life?" or "what is the purpose of the entire Universe?"...

I have expressed my views in The Freedom of Choice book. The entire book is my answer to the above questions. (Strictly speaking it represents my understanding at a time of writing it).

It is not a coincidence, that I wrote The Freedom of Choice after living alone for almost 4 years.

Tom

Hi Maree, I think most of us have been there. You can also be lonely in a crowd or in a relationship. Making the effort to find people and talk to them and believing in yourself all help. I always found having others to talk things through with the best, e.g. a girlfriend, your sister. You're never really alone and there is always someone who has been there before.

Kimbra

"Love one another" is the message that the most advanced people in the history of humanity promoted MOST. Some even insisted to "love your companion like your life, protect such a one like the pupil of your eye".[2]

Isn't it obvious that it is the most effective way to avoid loneliness? Have you forgotten about The Purpose of the entire Universe? Can you find enough Love WITHIN to neutralise the bitterness?

Tom

I think loving someone is also being able to give them space to be themselves and not trying to 'possess' or make them be the way you want them.

I think you cover this in your book, 'Freedom', quite adequately. Wouldn't it be great if we could all learn to love each other and be there to help each other so no one would EVER feel lonely. I guess we haven't developed sufficiently for that yet?

Kim

We need to experience all consequences of making other choices before we come to the conclusion that Love one another is the WISEST CHOICE.

No one can come to this conclusion for someone else. Everyone HAS to arrive at this conclusion individually and PROVE it for himself/herself.

Tom

Why do you think most people can't bear their partner being in love with someone else? Why does it cause pain? Is monogamy a preconception or indoctrination of our society?Maybe more spiritually advanced people have diferent attitude.

AA

Pain: please see the beginning of this topic.

Monogamy - is just a choice. Our choices are determined and limited by our intellect (how much we can comprehend).

The more advanced the person - the more FREEDOM of CHOICE he/she will give to others. "If you REALLY love somebody - SET HIM FREE..." - have you heard this song?

Tom

It seems that when you become more intelligent and more evolved spiritually, it becomes more difficult for people to comprehend you. You will feel lonely as no one can understand you. It is quite a bitter feeling. I am wondering how can the idea of 'Love one another' really make people to understand me more? I am always do my best to understand people. Without understanding of the person, there will never be love.

bom

You cannot really implant your conclusions into someone else's mind. When you meet a person who has reached conclusions similar to yours, however, - you will be able to notice and appreciate the difference.

So many people miss it... You just need to keep searching for people who seek what you do.

Tom

A piece of advice to all you wonderful people from my little Self.

If you choose to get rid of loneliness, I can tell you the following from my own experience: Do not give up in any way just because you feel lonely. This loneliness won't be cured with tries to go back to the previous way of living. This sadness has always been present but we ignored it. We feel sad and try to solve the problem by diverting the mind from this bitter feeling. We usually do nonsense and sometimes even hurt people in such a state of mind. Try to face it and examine it thoroughly. Remember who is god and why are you here. Gradually it will fade away by itself. When you develop spiritually to a certain degree you no longer feel loneliness. But that is just a drop in the ocean (ocean of understanding, feeling happy, having more will power, not losing peace of mind because of small things...)

If you are having problems with the will power I would recommend the concetration exercises with the cross. They are excellent. Eating less heavy food and more fruit helps too. I'm serious about this, try it yourself. Best wishes!

Andrej