How to control my temper?

How do you survive in a world that is filled with so many people who will not think for themselves?I am surrounded and controled in the workplace by people who are petty, jealous and sneaky. I've managed to survive somewhat, but it's getting more difficult.

I try not to let myself be affected by them and I end up losing my temper.This is not good for me or them.They grab everything for themselves, cheat and lie to get ahead. I am honest and fair. It is very difficult to stay that way. I'm getting stomped on out there.I need survival suggestions.

Belle

First you need to watch your temper. This is actually the hardest part. What helps me is the remembering the following fact: by getting too disturbed and emotional we use less than 50% of our intellect. Sometimes MUCH less. How many times did you regret your actions that followed losing temper?

What is the most effective way to control our temper?

The most critical are the first few seconds after the "provocation". If you can see a reason for "slowly counting to 20" before you say or do anything - you have every chance of success in controlling your temper.

The next BIG task is to bring the rational thinking, intellect and intelligence BACK TO BALANCE with disturbing emotions. The major problem here is that we usually have no more than a few seconds to react.

What works for me like a magic in such situations is the exercise with the cross. Do you remember the "Tools" chapter in the Freedom of Choice? No matter how upset or disturbed I am by other people - I regain my perspective in less than a minute. Of course, you need to learn this exercise when you are calm. I keep the exercise prominently displayed at all times where I work.

After you manage to attain a grasp of your temper - you need to DESIGN our actions.

One thing that is VERY effective, super simple and almost universal is so-called "power of inertia". The essence of it is to DO NOTHING or almost nothing. Be polite, but do not accept any requests or provocations. Finding an innocent excuse to do something else (completely unrelated to provocation) is another option.

In the long run, when provocations and disturbances continue - you need to develop your Grand Plan. Try to imagine your Final Goal - in this lifetime and in the Universe. Imagine a goal that will make you perfectly happy. Dream about it. Imagine accomplishing it.

When you have your Final Goal clearly in your mind - you will be able to make choices with a wisdom that will greatly surprise you.

Tom

Thank you for your suggestions. These are tangible things that I can apply. It's so difficult to be a person with high ideals (branded on my forehead by my Mother) when the people in your life think you're strange for even talking about it.

Belle

Your mother was a wise person, but don't forget that it was YOU who accepted and decided to ACT on high ideas.

The more you try to understand yourself - the harder is to find people who can comprehend what you are talking about. Inspiring people to THINK is much harder that thinking yourself. Do you remember the chapter "Helping others" in the Freedom? It describes a method that really works.

Tom

I think the answer is to just live who you are. Be true to oneself, be the example. When you find that unconditional love in your heart for people, interesting things happen.They are like magnets. They won't go away and they won't stop talking. People are unbelievably hungry for that understanding and love. I don't know myself like I should, but I am very sure of one thing, I'm not Jesus. Long way from that. When you, hopefully, are doing it right you think things are going to be better. Sometimes, it just gets more complicated.

Belle

Love is indeed capable of changing people around. Do you remember the example of "psychic attack" from The Freedom? The KEY thing is to find sincere love for other people WITHIN yourself and MEAN it.

Tom

I like the 'power of inertia' plan. I think that could work for me.

Belle

It works for everyone I know. Here is an example.

A school kid has been "punished" for some honest remarks and the punishment was clearly unfair. To make him "busy" the teacher commanded the kid to COPY a page from a book. The kid took it SLOW, focused on the very FIRST letter of the printed text and VERY SLOWLY tried to "copy" it, clearly aiming to do it indefinitely long. His "work" appeared as a blurred "dot". When the teacher complained - the kid said VERY politely "I am trying very hard SIR, but the tip of my pencil is too large to make a good copy. Do you have a better pencil?". Needless to say the entire class of kids had a great time and the teacher had his lesson.

Tom