Making Peace with The Past?

As I see it, there can only be one goal and that is understanding what we are going through on this planet. Why we are here in the first place?

If that is to grow personally as much as we can, then we'd better get to it.

Personally, I am stunned by all of this. People knock themselves out working and buying junk. They think they've done what they are supposed to do here. I think they are crazy.

I have seen so many highly educated people that are manipulative, dishonest and selfish. How can someone become so educated and still be so uneducated? I have met so few people in my life who seem like they have a clue. Material education does nothing for the soul unless you choose to use it for a broader understanding of everything. Unfortunately, I don't see much of that. I see so much selfishness. People are scared out there. Their religions aren't doing the job for them, or they would be better people.Our time here is so short. My intellect tells me that time must be used to find the truth.

Maybe the truth about this planet and the truth about ourselves. I'm thinking about self examination. For some reason, I have begun a journal containing every memory that I have. Then I am looking back over my memories and analyzing why I did what and how I could have done it better. I know you've said that we should only deal with the present, but to do that, I seem to need to go back and understand myself. Does that make sense? Maybe to be able to leave the past, I need to go back there for awhile. I have an example.

I have studied Guirgieff's methods. One of the tasks is going back into the past and reviewing something that stands out in your life. When I was in the seventh grade, Sister Eucharista was my teacher. She used to make me stand by my desk until I knew the answers, which happened alot. I was so hurt and humiliated by this. How I hated that woman and told everyone so for years.

When I reviewed this from an adults point of view, I had a startling discovery. If I had done my homework once in awhile, it wouldn't have happened so often. I did have a tragic childhood which made it very difficult to concentrate on anything and they thrust me into Catholic school and I was probably about a year behind the rest of the kids. But, I used these things as an excuse for not trying very hard. The sister was pretty cold and harsh, and I wasn't giving her nuthin. Stubborn.

When I came to this revelation, my center chakra filled up with energy or something. I was in some sort of euphoria for a week. I felt like my feet wern't touching the ground. Nothing bothered me.The world was a wonderful place. I felt peaceful for a change.

At the end of the week, I started to think that after all, I did have such a bad childhood blah blah. I was right back to my normal self. It seems that our higher self is not very impressed with our woes and demands excellence no matter what. I'm kind of surprised by that. It doesn't matter what happens to us. We are responsible for our actions NO MATTER WHAT.

Belle

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is beautiful and moving.

It is true that our Higher Self is not impressed by our self-pity and our demands to avoid homework. Do you know any good teacher that would?

Tom